Corned Beef & Cabbage (& Potatoes & Carrots) – AKA: WTF Is This Tiny A$$ Seasoning Packet?

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St. Patrick's Day. That one day a year, at least in the US, where public intoxication is encouraged. Oh yeah, and also that one day a year where people eat corned beef.  Leading up to the day, most grocery stores will start stocking corned beef and decorate their displays with little shamrocks and leprechaun hats. But one thing has gotten to me over the years. What the heck is going on with that laughingly tiny seasoning packet that's included with the brisket?

One of the biggest reasons I started this website was because of the complete lack of flavor I would find in online recipes. Big Beef comes along, selling me a beautiful cow boob that’s supposed to be a serving for 8 to 10 people, with a microscopic plastic flavor parcel that if you sneeze with any gusto, will blow away out the window.

I cannot stand for such malarkey. The Dude DOES NOT abide. I demand flavor! I demand spice! I demand euphoria! So here I am, trying to do the Lord’s work for all you flavorless heathens! This St. Paddy’s Day, in between pints of Guinness, try out this recipe for a change from your spice packet for ants and join me in my ongoing, never-ending, forever-quest for epicurean eudaimonia.

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Servings: 6-8…or a few hungry Mes

Spice Rub:

• 2 Tbsp. Coriander Seeds
• 1 Tbsp. Whole Cardamom Seeds (or 4 Pods)
• 1 Tbsp. Mustard Seeds
• 2 tsp. Black Peppercorns
• 2 tsp. Red Pepper Flakes
• 1 tsp. Whole Cloves
• 1 tsp. Anise Seeds
• 4 Whole Bay Leaves
• 1/2 tsp. Ground Ginger
• 1/2 tsp. Celery Seed

Everything Else:

• ~4 lb. Corned Beef Brisket
• 3 Large Carrots
• 1 Medium Green Cabbage
• ~10 Red Potatoes
• 1 Large Yellow Onion
• Italian Parsley (for garnish)
• Salt and Pepper (only for the vegetables)
• Olive Oil
• Horseradish (if desired)

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1.) Alright, the first order of business is to take that little flavor packet that comes with your corned beef brisket and throw it in the trash. That’s where it belongs. Its mere existence is insulting to me.

2.) Gather all of your ingredients for a far superior spice mix. Don’t combine them yet since you’re going to toast some but not all of them. There are a few things in here one should note. Whole cardamom can be found in two separate ways. One very popular form is in cardamom pods, which contain the actual seeds themselves. You will need to crush the pods to extract the seeds and go from there. Or, you can find containers with just the seeds and skip the whole crushing step.

Next, there’s anise. A major thing to note is that anise seeds and stars of anise are two different things. I know. Wild. They’re from two different plants, but both have the same anise flavor (watch your phrasing…). They are not truly interchangeable, buuut, if you really need some anise (phrasing!), hey, why not swap ’em out?

Heat up a 10 in. stainless pan on medium heat. You’re going to toast the following spices first: The coriander seeds, mustard seeds, cardamom seeds, whole cloves, whole peppercorns, and anise seeds. Throw those in the pan for about 3 minutes and swirl around a few times so as to not let them burn. If the seeds start popping, you’re not making popcorn here, so your heat is too high. Next, add your crushed red pepper flakes and bay leaves and heat them up for 30 seconds. You’ll notice a bit of color added to the leaves, which is time to take the whole thing off the heat.

3.). Spices really prefer to be ground, and just like coffee beans, spices like to be ground right before use for freshness and pungency. If you have a spice grinder, lucky you, you fancy lad, so whip that thing out. If you have a mortar and pestle, you probably shop at environmentally sustainable thrift shops and spin records at the local coffee shop while wearing a home knit scarf. We’ll talk later. You’ll finally be using that pair for this one thing, ever. If you’re like most people and have a blender or a food processor, those definitely work too. If you don’t have a mixer of any sort, you can even put everything into a plastic bag and beat it senseless with a soft mallet.

Add up the rest of the already ground ingredients to the now toasted mix and give the whole thing a few short bursts in whatever mixer you have. We don’t want to over grind our spices because part of the texture of the corned beef will be the whole grains of the rub. Finally, we’ve made up for the severe lack of flavor the giant meat conglomerate that made our beef brisket was trying to force down our gullets. You’re only going to use about half of this whole rub for this recipe, so your can seal the rest in a jar once we’re done for whenever you desire some next.

4.) Bust out a medium/large baking dish for our beautiful beef brisket, and preheat the oven to 300 F. This dish will not only act as our vessel for our meat, but also for some vegetables as well. Rinse and pat dry the corned beef. Place the meat fat-side-up in the dish and sprinkle the rub all over the top and sides of our bovine friend. Hence the name, give it a good rub, adding more spice to where needs it. We’re not going to salt the meat since its package should say that it already contains a large amount of sodium due to it being soaked in brine before packaging.

Next, you’re going to pour in enough water to just over half of the brisket. Don’t pour water directly on top so as to not disturb the nice spice coating you’ve applied. The brisket is effectively being braised without first being seared. Cover the dish with aluminum foil, and once your oven is preheated, place it on the middle rack and we’re going to forget it exists for two hours (2 hrs.). Set a timer, though, we DO want to remember to take it out.

5.) Feel free to watch an episode of two of your favorite show, or do your taxes, or anything to pass the time. But, before those two hours have expired, we do want to prep our vegetables.

Peel and cut your carrots to your desired length. Cut the thicker part of the carrots shorter and the thinner parts longer to make sure they cook evenly. Cut the potatoes in half, or if they are larger, quarter them. Do NOT peel them, we want that redness for presentation.

Don’t mince up your onion (or your words), but rather quarter it and then quarter your quarters to make nice wedges that definitely won’t fall apart when you pick them up. Quarter and re-quarter your cabbage in a similar fashion.

Once the initial two hours for your brisket have been reached, take that out, uncover it, fill in your veggies and possibly replace some water that had evaporated so that those veggies and meat continue to be submerged. Increase your oven to 350 F.

There are a few factors to consider with this next step. We’ve got a hefty amount of veggies here, and if your baking dish is big enough to accommodate all of them, put ’em in there, and sprinkle some rub on top of those. If you’re like me, and you’ve still got half of them left, select an additional baking dish and put the rest in there. You CAN fill the additional dish with water and spices to replicate the cooking conditions of your main dish, but I decided to just coat my vegetables in oil, salt, and some of the spice rub instead. Either way, don’t worry, they’ll be cooked by the time we’re done.

Put your main meat and vegetable baking dish, uncovered, back onto the middle rack and your additional veggie dish onto a lower rack and set and forget once again for an hour and a half (1.5 hours).

6.). Has it been an hour and a half already? I knew this year was going by fast. Check to see if your meat has reached at least a temperature of 190 – 200F. for optimal fork-tenderness. If you need more time, keep everything in there. Once you’re good with the beef’s temperature, take everything out of the oven and carefully remove your beef and place on a cutting board and tent for 20 minutes. Keep all of your veggies in the dish(es) to keep them a little warm.

Slice your corned beef against the grain, or it’s going to be a bit more chewy if you hadn’t. If you’re not sure what’s with, and what’s against the grain, you can always do test slices to see which is better. Load up your plate with your vegetables and add a little parsley for color. If you desire, prepare a ramekin with horseradish to dip the slices of beef, and you’re all set. Your St. Patrick’s Day feast is now complete, and this year, let’s lay off the Tullamore Dew a bit, shall we?